So its you... Naw, its the Snow in my Eyes

I am walking in the shade, looking at trinkets at the trade show somewhere in Georgia. Can't really recall what city, but I see a lot of signs with peaches so I take it that I am there. As I shuffle around other viewers, I see some crystal jewelry that catches my eye. There is one that is a deep pink, something like raspberry lemonade on a hot summers night. I bend over to look at it, and I feel someone's hands grab my waist. 

They were familiar hands, hands that have never seen a manicure bowl, but soft enough to be familiar with baby oil... Since I knew no one that lived in the peach state anymore - most of them were on deployment or been transferred to another duty station, I cautiously turn around and all I seen was tattoos and dark, Godiva chocolate arms. When I look up, the mysterious man that carried his Creed cologne with his demeanor then grabbed my face and looked me in my eyes as if I was the last piece of rib on the bar-b-que. He licked his lips and said...

DAMN NOAH GET OFF OF ME!!! Yes, my dog is a hater - he woke my ass up. And yaw know I tried falling back to sleep so I can finish that dream... It was too damn late! So yes, that was the last piece of action I have had in a while... Well does that even count? Anywho, let me ask you guys and gals... is it the holidays that make folks want to be all booed up... is that natural? I refuse to be anyone's holiday relationship, but I am not gonna lie, it sounds tempting.

I think because you see so many parties with the husbands and the wives, significant others, etc that you swore that your co-workers/associates didn't have or mention the entire 11 months prior to. Maybe someone has stolen my rent a boo concept already!! So let me know, would you be someone's other half for the holidays then get the peace sign after Valentines day?

The Thirst

I know we have had some extreme weather the past few weeks within the U.S. But my mind is still boggled as far as the level of dehydration among my peers in 2011. When I mean dehydration or better known as thirst, it is the level of desperation that appears on a person who converses with a potential fuck love interest. I know that some may say "well, maybe that person is really interested in you" etc. There is a fine line between interested and just plain ole thirst. I would like to point out some differences and other indicators that will make you determine if this person is thirsty or interested in the pursuit.

1. They tell you that they are different (on the first meeting): Rather it be conversing about jobs, interests, positions in bed, be aware of those who say they are different and make a point of it. If we are just talking, getting to know one another, it shouldn't be an issue if your different because we (men and women) will see it.  Even if its just a jump-off, we wouldn't give a damn then if your different because our intention is not to boo you up. Eluding too many times that your "not lame" or "from down south" or "been around the world" doesn't mean that you are exempted from not being about shit. Again, the proof is in the pudding, and you haven't even given me the damn spoon yet. 
2. They are too quick to tell you they are a freak: Now this even applies to the random hook up's (to whomever still does that these days). Sometimes its not looks cause everyone looks the same in the dark that seduces people. Many times its that conversation piece that hooks line and sinker. Maybe its the thrill of a one night stand. Or hell, you just like how they carry themselves, so you see a future friendship/relationship with this person. Like many others, I do not need to know how you like to eat Copper River salmon. At least not within the first damn 30 min. This shows that not only are you quick to hop on the first thing that has a heartbeat, but lets question where the eff your grown up parts been???
3. Invites themselves to your house before you can: I can not stress this enough. I don't care if you live by yourself, roommates, bebe's kids, ect. Your place of residence is your sanctuary. No matter how crazy it may be, you lay your head there, you are familiar with the place. Don't you DARE invite yourself saying "I bet you want some company"... BITCH no the hell I don't. How rude is that to just invite yourself and you don't know this other person like that. Your invading personal space just cause ur ass is needy... I say GTFOH!
4. Soliciting with services (I should of had this shit as #3): (scenario) Him: girl you know I can cook, let me cook for you tonight at your house. Her: Hum I don't eat everyone's cooking and lets save that for another day. Him: but I wanna get to know you better. Her: we can do that like were doing now, and you don't know what I like-or if I have eaten already? (is this mofo ready to cook for # of people in my house since he wanna act fancy and invade my territory). Ladies and men who do this, know that some (if not all) are catching on to this move. I have had a many of friends (bless their hearts) that have let someone come to their home after one meeting or same day (yaw, that shit ain't safe), let them cook for you, and they wanna walk around and snoop or worse, be naked in your place that YOU PAY BILLS ON. You know, that ain't the way to a persons heart. That's the quickest way to get cursed out. What in the hell did you think I was doing before meeting you? Starving? Now later on down the line, yes, cooking for someone is nice. But you really wanna put blood, sweat and tears into a meal for someone you really don't know? I'd watch out if they put chicken blood in your shit.

Honorable Mention: The material posessions they have...key word THEY. And half the time, they can't afford that shit!

I have a lot more, but I am tired as hell. The moral of the story is that being needy right from jump isn't cute unless your a pimp name slickback looking for a new whore.  Maybe the flow of testosterone has made my views jaded, but I'm pretty sure that it hasn't. If you have any other things I should add on or comments, please feel free to post.

Male Order Housekeeper Guide???

So something else that has been bothering me for a while is the whole "lack of males" phenomenon. Prior to me getting bent out of shape, I believe that this is some bullshit. AND what I mean by bullshit, I mean that there are men EVERYWHERE, who are looking for someone to complete them, just like females. But due to a strict checklist, many females are missing out (and males too-some of yaw are more so matriculate than we are...SMH). ANYWHO, I digress. Let me share a story with you...

So I went on a date about a week ago. It was OK. He was younger , and the volume of calls, text messages, etc. got on my last damn nerve. I explained to him it was not necessary and that he needs to lay off. Within that date, he asked the QUESTION to why I am single (as if its not a choice anymore or some shit). I tell him and he then says "OK lets date now". I not only told him hell to the naw (in my Whitney Crackhead Stance), but that he REALLY NEEDS TO CHILL OUT. Since then, I have had to inform him in a stern-like tone that he is not my boo and needs to chill the fuck out. I apologize  in advance for so many curse words, but flashbacks get me annoyed....This leads me to my point...

I have no issues meeting different men. As a plus size, African American (and some other ish) in Seattle, WA, I get approached by ALL TYPES OF MEN. They might not be what I'm looking for, but hey, noting wrong with friends associates in high and low places right (I make that emphasis cause everyone tends to believe that its one issue or another...shit try smiling)? I believe that too many of us (and I mean females, Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, Asians, all of yaw) that are dismissing some men due to looks alone. Granted, these men need be attractive just a lil bit, but many are scared of what their fam and friends will say. It took me a while, but it shocks the hell of my friends and associates when I tell them I have been almost all over the color spectrum. I have to try something once, then again to see if I really like it... (insider). ANYWHO, I think as women (and some men), we are so caught up on finding "Mr./Mrs. Checklist" that we forget we are not perfect, and that sometimes what we think we want, is not what is good for us. It feels good at first, but its that newness that Eric Robertson sings about...

Well it?s called the newness, but you already knew this

Don?t hear me rhyme but I just had dilute this

Man it?s the lovin, she sittin? at the oven,
Makin me some waffles, she tryin to get the title
More than likely, she?ll probably be wifey
If she gotta have it & hell, I?m Spike Lee
And I?m there nightly I?m her midnight marauder
Matter of fact got a text, just said to call her
If I had the money man I would just spoil her
So I give her kisses and, treat her like the missus man
Take her out on the night town do the runnin man
Kid n play, do the wop, til all the music stop
Go off to IHOP, talk in the parking lot
Oh here come the cops tellin us to scram
Damn, I just grab her hand, let?s go
Here we go, DMC and this litte fan
And the band?s in the van, we on the road again
And oh man I was bout to finish up the story
Chick got me more whipped than Denzel in Glory
Brett called me up like ?Yo, yo girl is on Maury? (huh?)
Guess it?s poor me, guess it?s poor me
Guess it?s poor me, til the newness comes

Anywho I digress. Yaw get what I'm saying. Too many folks trying to jump that broom, and ain't even swept under the rug. What happened to just dating? Is it such a big deal to have "ownership" of someone just to say that shit? I can tell you, besides youngin mentioned above, I have had 4 others act that way and ain't even seen the platinum stuff. So I know that its not necessarily impossible. I read an article from an author I can't think of right now cause I'm still intoxicated (hell its Saturday, can I breathe). And she suggested just dating everyone you feel comfortable with-or at least going on one date with someone you feel is sane and you have enough ammo  pepper spray for. You learn what you like and don't like, etc. It can be an awarding experience for you as well. But enough about me, have you had same experiences? Is there something you desire in a mate that isn't being displayed in today's world? SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!!! And happy Memorial Day Weekend to my fellow vets. Everyone else, send me a plate of food OK?