Well not today. I have been a lil bit of a Debbie Downer lately cause I don't have my luxury SUV, or a Boo on Occasion with the serious PIPE, and I am stuck in a job that I'm OVERLY QUALIFIED for (and not making enough $$ for it). I love my classes but I'm sick of school. And as much as I have learned to appreciate Seattle, hum yea its time for me to go somewhere else. I am in limbo and that shit sucks like an ice cube on a warm summer day that is covered with fire ants. Yea I really took it there.
A lot of folks are probably saying "well at least you have this, etc". Yes I am very blessed on the position I am in as far as financially especially with these economic issues. But not all money is good money. I have had breakdowns lately and that ish is not healthy. I have been so perturbed that I have allowed the good sense I did have in me to be washed away. I see certain friends that are in a better situation and I am like "well WTF"? I know, we should not compare to others, but I be damned if the shit doesn't make me feel a certain way. Like what the hell am I doing to not make it?
So I keep talking to baby Jesus asking him to get me thru this time. I keep reading my spiritual books and I start vacation two on Monday. hopefully I feel better by next Saturday (yes that is my national holiday). If not, I will probably be on the blog drunk crying my sorrows away. Let me know readers, have you ever been in a similar position about life?
YES, I have felt the same way before. When I realized what it was that I was looking for in life that I wanted, I then noticed I had everything I wanted, but in bite size.
ReplyDeleteI too want the SUV, Yukon XL Denali, Hybrid 2012 to be exact, but instead I have a smaller vehicle the color I want my SUV to be. Cool. I want a four or five bedroom house with a big fenced in yard, instead I have a two bedroom condo with a common area with a small rail fence. Fine. Of course I want the career working in Non Profit or Superintendent for a school, but instead I have a job that allows me to have time off to work with various non profit groups and I'm on the PTO for my son's school and other boards for another school district. All right.
Now that I realize I have everything I asked for in variations, I can appreciate what I have, and know that when I get to the real thing, it will only be a variation of what was, and I will appreciate it a lot more once I get to where I think I want to be.
Baby Jesus was born at the time, place, and season that he was because that was his time. When it is your time to have what you want or be where you want to be, you will be there.
Thank you for that perspective. Never really looked at it like that. But am I just too impatient? I feel Im deserving of so much more. O guess it really is about time and placement.
ReplyDeleteIn addition to what candy said (very accurate btw) There's also a level of expectation that comes with age and titles. You feel you should have certain things and @ certain points in time but according to who? Trust me, you are not using our own unit of measure. it came form external influences. You touched on it yourself, you can't compare yourself to others because you have no idea what they did to get that job or what they have to put up with to maintain that boo. You are operating under age expectations which can be quite stringent, especially on women.
ReplyDeleteYou may also not be doing enough physically or haven't reached the point emotionally to bring about the change you say you want. Further proof that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. It is not a coincidence that you are going through this around your birthday. Embrace it. It's just growing pains.