So its you... Naw, its the Snow in my Eyes

I am walking in the shade, looking at trinkets at the trade show somewhere in Georgia. Can't really recall what city, but I see a lot of signs with peaches so I take it that I am there. As I shuffle around other viewers, I see some crystal jewelry that catches my eye. There is one that is a deep pink, something like raspberry lemonade on a hot summers night. I bend over to look at it, and I feel someone's hands grab my waist. 

They were familiar hands, hands that have never seen a manicure bowl, but soft enough to be familiar with baby oil... Since I knew no one that lived in the peach state anymore - most of them were on deployment or been transferred to another duty station, I cautiously turn around and all I seen was tattoos and dark, Godiva chocolate arms. When I look up, the mysterious man that carried his Creed cologne with his demeanor then grabbed my face and looked me in my eyes as if I was the last piece of rib on the bar-b-que. He licked his lips and said...

DAMN NOAH GET OFF OF ME!!! Yes, my dog is a hater - he woke my ass up. And yaw know I tried falling back to sleep so I can finish that dream... It was too damn late! So yes, that was the last piece of action I have had in a while... Well does that even count? Anywho, let me ask you guys and gals... is it the holidays that make folks want to be all booed up... is that natural? I refuse to be anyone's holiday relationship, but I am not gonna lie, it sounds tempting.

I think because you see so many parties with the husbands and the wives, significant others, etc that you swore that your co-workers/associates didn't have or mention the entire 11 months prior to. Maybe someone has stolen my rent a boo concept already!! So let me know, would you be someone's other half for the holidays then get the peace sign after Valentines day?

Damn... yea thats it, just DAMN

So before anyone goes freaking out... this post isn't all extra depressing. Well not yet.

I haven't really been as thankful as I should be for everything I have, haven't had yet, and for what I thought I wanted and found out it wasn't all that. 2011 has been a hell of a year, and I really didn't have to be here, but my higher being felt the need to let the world bask in my neurotic greatness so I should be happy right?

I am... but I desire more!

I guess I feel that I don't do enough to get to where I want to be... Granted its hard when your working full time and finishing up a Masters program and a Certificate program, its hard not to want to crawl in your bed after work/school and say go away world! But I think its an excuse that I use to not do more... Am I being too hard on myself or do I just know better? Its getting to the point where I am not interested in school anymore. What can I do to help with burn out cause that is what I am feeling like? Let me know if any of you have had that same feeling.

Do Dreams Really Come True?

Good evening/morning everyone...

So turning 25 (haha) wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... I had a blast on the east coast for my national holiday and I don't necessarily hate  dislike work everyday. Just every 3 to 5 days. I'm still pushing thru grad school, and I am enjoying my certificate program work. I even rescued an American Eskimo from the humane shelter in Seattle. Hell, I am even working on Operation East Coast and looks like something might POP OFF! BUT... something happened this evening that has me going...

While cruising on the VH1 website looking at the cast of Love and Hip Hop, I was reading the bio's of these women. And I started to get pissed off. Why you ask? Well I will share a secret with you guys... I always envisioned myself in-front or behind the screens of entertainment. I go into Swarovski (which is my guilty pleasure) and I look at a lot of the pieces and wonder WTF designed some of this shit. Meaning I have ideas of what pieces should be. I have ideas of what people should wear depending on their body shape. Yaw see where I'm going with this. But then the practical me starts to talk...

"Cyn, you know there is a recession going on" ... "But you don't know anyone to start designing/styling/acting"... etc. And to be quite honest, I think I am capable of doing anything I want because I am just that talented. Just show me a few times and I am good to go... But is it too late for me to pursue my dreams? Should I just stick to what I know and stay working in gubment/corp America? Am I being a punk? I'm so perplexed... I guess ill go to sleep on this one. Has anyone have this same problem? Speak to me people!!!

Damn, my bday is coming up...

So I try to keep my post light right...

Well not today. I have been a lil bit of a Debbie Downer lately cause I don't have my luxury SUV, or a Boo on Occasion with the serious PIPE, and I am stuck in a job that I'm OVERLY QUALIFIED for (and not making enough $$ for it). I love my classes but I'm sick of school. And as much as I have learned to appreciate Seattle, hum yea its time for me to go somewhere else. I am in limbo and that shit sucks like an ice cube on a warm summer day that is covered with fire ants. Yea I really took it there.

 A lot of folks are probably saying "well at least you have this, etc". Yes I am very blessed on the position I am in as far as financially especially with these economic issues. But not all money is good money. I have had breakdowns lately and that ish is not healthy. I have been so perturbed that I have allowed the good sense I did have in me to be washed away.  I see certain friends that are in a better situation and I am like "well WTF"? I know, we should not compare to others, but I be damned if the shit doesn't make me feel a certain way. Like what the hell am I doing to not make it? 

So I keep talking to baby Jesus asking him to get me thru this time. I keep reading my spiritual books and I start vacation two on Monday. hopefully I feel better by next Saturday (yes that is my national holiday). If not, I will probably be on the blog drunk crying my sorrows away. Let me know readers, have you ever been in a similar position about life?

Simple Minded People

So I frequent other people's blogs for inspiration... And I came across a blog about views on Domestic Violence. This blogger has been in a violent relationship and just basically sees after being abused for so long, your are no longer the victim, but just plain stupid. Most folks went in on her, maybe one or two people agreed. But what really bugged me the most is that there was so many double negatives in these comments it was like UGH...

What do I mean by double negatives???

So if you do not agree on someone's viewpoint, that's fine and dandy. There are ways of discussing disagree to agree. But these folks were just plain out RUDE. Have we as adults forgot how to eloquently state their dislike with a particular viewpoint and give a better suggestion?

I believe so...

What I guess bothers me the most is those who comment and are 10 times more harsh in replies to a certain topic. Yet, you follow these people and expect to always have the politically correct thought process to every subject? Well why in the hell would you follow them in the first place? I guess I'm tired of the sugar coating folks want you to give them. If you want something sweet, go to the cheesecake factory!!!

I am in various groups in Facebook and Twitter, and instead of debating, folks want to PUSH their morals down your throat. And that erks me to no freaking end. When you are blogging, you really don't have guidelines unless you are threatening to kill folks (and shit). Before I read this blog, I was discussing how people are one minded-especially in the damn United States. A lot of the conflicts in the foreign countries, debt issues, and U.S. policies would be solved if not welcomed with mutual arms if folks took the time to listen instead of abandoning ideas because its not that persons absolute!!!

I should be asleep right now, but this just bothers me to no end (hence why there are no pictures in this post). Please tell me folks, what are your pet peeves when sharing/collaborating ideas and/or thoughts to others!

What am I doing wrong???

So I am at home right now, suppose to be at work. I'll go after my work out  business is handled. But before I even do all that, I need to ask yaw a question out there. What am I doing wrong???

What do you mean? Well I will go into details about two recent interactions with random men and why exactly they did not go well.

(Disclaimer- I give men code names prior to me referring to them by their real names. I can't remember most of yesterday, so why remember, or try to, remember a mans name if he will not be in my life for longer than 2 to 5 weeks. If he makes it that far, I then use his real name)

PR

About two weeks ago, I went to a jazz club in _____, WA. I had been there before and I always enjoy the coziness of the club and the quality of the live music and the deejaying abilities as well. I was pretty spiffy if I do say so myself, and the gentleman at the door was giving me all types of compliments. I brushed it off cause well, that is what most folks who work the entry do.  I meet my company in there and they decide to leave (cause I got there hella late-as always). So I stayed and he (doorman-or we will now start to refer him as PR because of his heritage) comes up and chit chats with me. Okay so far so good... Oh did I tell yaw he was fine as WINE...

We go out to breakfast after the club closes, which is fine by me. But he asked if I could drive. Like an idiot I said sure, thinking maybe something was wrong with his car. We get to the restaurant, and have decent conversation-till some events happened and it was pretty much time to go home ;). So I am dropping him off and I ask about the status of his vehicle-he had a DUI. Okay that's fine, shit happens. But I know three people who have had DUI in WA state, and still have a car but had to blow in the breathalyzer thing before it starts. He lived with roommates so he had to go thru the back alley (strange cause its like 4am). So clearly in the back of my head I am thinking somethin aint right, but I didn't wanna jump the gun.

*LADIES, WHEN YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS OFF, IT REALLY IS-FOLLOW YOUR GUT*

Later that week, we talk and I realize, we have nothing but LUST in common. The conversations sucked. And all he wanted to talk about was when we were gonna smang it (smash it and bang it, please refer to the Smang it video). And while I can admit, there are people I can accept having a FWB, he wasn't it. Furthermore, how are you 10 yrs older than me and just aren't halfway established. That week were multiple calls- and one night 4 calls from 10pm to 01am which I didn't answer cause it just wasn't really worth it. I eventually answered one of the numerous calls placed during the day and told him we would not be having sex at this moment but if he wants to talk about other things and go out we can... Yea I got the phone hung up on me. LOL

Back to the Motherlands

As I was leaving Coldstone Ice cream, a guy came up to my car (and it was dark), and I almost ran him over. Needless to say, we go out to eat a few days later. I would call it a date, but it just wouldn't do the story justice.

I will make it short... Old Country Buffet, Long & Short term goals, inquiring about my residence and finally, lying about his age. Needless to say that the fact that he tried to give me a history lesson on Africa after I mistakenly used the term states instead of countries pissed me the fuck off. And yes, I reminded him i'm working on my masters while he is working on his AA. And after all of that, he says he doesn't like OCB but he didn't want me to drive long distance (the place we were at was 9 miles from my home-he should of thought about that shit earlier). Needless to say there will be no future with him and he doesn't get the fact that I told him im not interested.

My real problem lies with the fact I keep running into these clusterfuckbuckets (yea I made that word up) of men. I have been told if you behave a certain way, you attract a type of man. Well Ive tried that and the ish don't work. I have never been desperate and wont start now, but I am just really wondering about if my life is truly doomed and I will die alone with a great hair do and finally a flat stomach?

Do I allow or attract psychos? I mean really. And hell, I don't even want to be booed up, I just want a part time companion of the male species that lives no more than two hrs from me.

Hello... Good Evening!

Hi everyone,

Yes, I know, where in the hell have I been...

Well, besides finishing the summer semester (with a 4.0 by the way) and personal issues, I have not been able to focus on the blog like I want to. SO with that, just wanted to let you guys know I will be back doing blogs... Matter of fact I will be doing one tonight I think. After watching Kick Ass...

But in the meanwhile, have you guys ever felt like nothing is going right in your life, yet you feel as if something is gonna change for the better??? That's what I been feeling like as of late. Another reason for me not to blog. Now that I think about it, I have motivation to do everything else, but I just took the lazy route this time. How do you get out of this funk (besides talking to your higher being)? Suggestions would be greatly appreciated yaw!